My life has been a series of ironies. For example, i spent my whole educational career avoiding school. from kindergarten through grad school. i hated it. and then i became a teacher. I spent three years at the U in Minneapolis, dropped out swearing I'd never return to the twin cities, and here about a month and a half ago my son Eliot and I moved to St Paul. The man I moved in with, Mark, is a guy i met in college when I went back at Iowa State. Every time I thought of him in the years between 23 and 43 I was racked with guilt and forced him out of my head. I had cheated on my boyfriend at the time with Mark, I had begged Mark to get me out of Ames, then when he got a job in Colorado and asked me to move with him, I freaked out and dumped him.
I never said I was a nice person.
Anyway. We reconnected after I'd married, had my son, divorced my narcissistic alcoholic husband and moved to a truly horrible little city south of Des Moines. He'd messaged me on Facebook, we messaged a bit, but he was married and since my husband had just left me for another woman, I wasn't about to do the same to another woman. When my car was set on fire in the parking lot of my apartment building, I was in shock. It was 4 AM by the time the fire department got it put out. My mom was asleep, my ex husband, who had my son that night thank god, was of no help. So i posted on facebook that my car had been set on fire. I didn't know what else to do. Mark, oddly enough, was on too, & messaged me. The rest, shall we say is history. Yes, yes, eventually maybe I'll explain about his divorce, how his mother treated me, the fight to get to St Paul, etc. But not now.
The preceding fifteen years of my life hadn't been particularly bright, but Mark was my "soul mate" for lack of a less cheesy term and after two years of much strife and threats of court with my ex husband, Eliot and I finally moved to St Paul and into Mark's house.
For three week I was deliriously happy. Happier than I knew a body could be. My son loves school, I love St Paul and Mark, and Mark loves us enough to let us into his house.
But something had nagged at me for months. I'm a pessimist, so something is always nagging at me. But on September 18th I posted the following status:
Mark took Eliot to sign up for Cub Scouts, I hung pink bedroom curtains, we eat dinner all together at the table, there's always food in the fridge and clean laundry, the neighborhood is safe and quiet, we drink coffee together on the back steps first thing in the morning, Eliot does homework every night at he kitchen table, no one bangs on the door several times a day, the mailman hasn't intimidated me, i cook dinner and pack lunches, and I have a PTO foe. My life is so freakin' NORMAL now. and it's AWESOME. (knock wood)
Immediately after I posted it I looked at Mark and said, "The other shoe is going to fall." The next day after I dropped Eliot at school, I thought, "This was lovely while it lasted." I don't know why. It just popped into my head.
After school, i picked up eliot and we drove back to iowa. I had to finish cleaning my apartment in Indianola. I dropped Eliot with his father & went to my mom's. Where I prattled on for three hours about how much i love st paul and how I'm where i'm supposed to be and where should i hang my pictures and what color should the kitchen curtains be and stupid thing after stupid thing. I even chirped, "You're the only person in the world who cares about the little details of my life!" to my mom.
Then she told me she has breast cancer.
A week later she told me she has liver cancer too.
A week after that she told me she has colon cancer.
It's Stage 4. She decided today not to have the chemo port put in, at least for a couple weeks. If she does, she has two months of chemo, then the surgery. She doesn't know if she's going to do it.
It's horrible for her and it's horrible for me and it will be horrible for Eliot when we tell him. So while Eliot's so happy in school, and I'm with the man of my dreams in the city i barely know but desperately love, my whole world is crashing. Thanks for the irony, Universe.
